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'small talk ~ How to Get People at Your Table Talking ~ talking with others'
"..... What I found interesting was that while they welcomed a conversation, they didn't seem to be able (..........small talk, talking with others, interpersonal skills, social skills, people skills, solf skills....."
A few weeks ago, I attended a weekend conference for a charitable organization where I'm a volunteer. Most of the agenda comprised of working sessions and the participants were requested to sit at round tables, six per group. As I looked around the room prior to the sessions starting, I noticed that many people at the tables just sat there, waiting, with little or no interaction between one another. I also noticed that when they were spoken to, they turned out to be quite friendly. What I found interesting was that while they welcomed a conversation, they didn't seem to be able (or willing?) to start the conversation themselves.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some suggestions that may help you get everyone at the table talking and bring them together.
- Make an effort to begin a conversation. We tend to overlook the fact that making conversation, or small talk, takes work - it's not difficult work, but conversations don't 'just happen' without someone to start them and, in some cases, keep them going. A deliberate effort is the first step.
- Introduce yourself to everyone and then to anyone who comes to join the table. Feel free to say a relevant sentence or two about yourself, such as 'Hi. My name is Tom Hadley. I'm the Director of Fundraising and am here on behalf of Kingsway Regional Office.'
- Select the person sitting the farthest away from you to begin a conversation with. Often, we stick to individuals sitting right beside us but when we do this, the conversation is more likely to be restricted to include only you and the other person. When you speak to a person sitting across from you, it sets the tone for a group conversation and it's easier to get the attention of the others and get them to participate.
- Make eye contact with everyone at the table when you're speak and continue to do this throughout the conversation. This acknowledgement lets them know that they're part of the discussion and may encourage them to contribute to it.
- It's fine to ask a similar question to another person at the table, providing it's general and relevant to them as well. For example, if your question was 'How did you enjoy the Awards Ceremony last evening?' after the response, you could turn to another person at the table and ask, 'What did you think of it? Did you have a good time?' Because the question is one that anyone at the table would have an opinion and could answer, it can easily become a conversation that involves the entire table.
- There may be times when you find yourself at a table that is surrounded by very shy or quiet people...or people who don't have the social skills to keep a conversation going. If this is the case, you may end up informally taking on the role of 'table moderator.' While you don't have to force a lively and loud conversation on others, low-key amicable chat in these situations is usually welcome.
- Just one more thing: if there's a pitcher of water on the table, offer to pour a glass for everyone else as you pour your own. It helps to break the ice and you can begin conversations while you're handing someone their glass.
If you're a bit nervous about starting a conversation, try it at a table that has only a couple of people so you begin getting the hang of it. Sometimes it can be intimidating to begin a conversation with a group but the more often you do it, the easier it becomes.
".....' While you don't have to force a lively and loud conversation on others, low-key amicable chat in t....."
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Laurie Wilhelm manages the Express Yourself to Success website, a one-stop e-source with information and techniques on interpersonal and social skills, public speaking, networking and conflict resolution. Achieve your success by working effectively with others. Find out how you can boost your career and get a free white paper, What Everyone Needs to Know About Social Skills, by going to www.expressyourselftosuccess.com.
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